Supporting Friends and Family Through Loss

Do not judge the bereaved mother.

She comes in many forms.

She is breathing, but she is dying.

She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.

She smiles, but her heart sobs.

She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she is,

but she is not, all at once.

She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.

Loss is difficult.  As a friend or family member it can be hard to know what to say or do.  I have put together some resources to help friends and family support the ones they love through loss. 

• Be there for your loved one, even when you don't understand.
• Be a source of comfort by listening, laughing, and crying.
• Stick close to your loved one and defend their right to grieve.
• Allow your loved one to make mistakes...or at least to grieve differently from the way you would grieve.
• Send flowers.  Send money if you know this would help.
• Send cards.  The message doesn't need to be long, just let them know you haven't forgotten about them.  Send one every few weeks for awhile.
• Call your loved one.  Don't worry about being a bother.  Let them tell you f they don't want to talk about their loss right now.
• Answering machines and email are great ways to keep in touch allowing the bereaved person to respond only when they feel up to it.
• Don't try to rush your loved one through their grief.
• Give your loved one permission to grieve in front of you.  Don't change the subject or tell them not to cry or act uncomfortable when they do cry.
• Invite your loved one to attend events together, as you normally would.  Let them decide if they don't want to attend.
• Don't assume if your loved one is having a good day that it means they are over their loss.
• Be mindful of holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries.

Helpful Resources:
10 Ways to Support the Person in Your Life who has just Lost a Baby
What you Should (and Shouldn't) Say to Someone who has Lost a Baby
Understanding Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss
Gift Ideas