The Wait

The whole trying to conceive process has been nothing but a big long wait.  I wanted to have children right away after my husband and I said "I Do."  My husband wanted to wait at least two years.  Two years came and went and finally at almost three years of marriage we decided to have a family.  Once we started, I thought for sure it would happen in no time.  I was wrong. 


I always thought getting pregnant would be an easy task.  I mean remember how many times we have all been told "don't have sex, you'll get pregnant!"  Ha, I don't think I would have been one of those people.  Apparently for my husband and I, it takes more than a whim and night of passion.  Each month passed, we waited for a positive test, when it didn't come I waited for my new cycle, then we waited for when I would ovulate, then another two weeks of waiting to see if this was the cycle our dreams would come true.


We waited 6 months for that moment the first go around.  When it happened I was in shock but my husband and I were so happy, so naive (that everything would go as planned) and so ready to start all the pregnancy fun.  Unfortunately, another wait, 8 weeks before we could see our little one via ultrasound.  We never made it 8 weeks, only 7 1/2.  One day I started bleeding out of no where, called the Dr. on call and was told to wait to see if the bleeding increased.  It did, and we went in the next day to find out we miscarried.

Another wait was for in store for us, wait until my cycle showed up so we could try again.  It took exactly 4 weeks until that day, and we started the initial trying to conceive waits all over again.

Finally in August, we got another positive pregnancy test.  I notified my Dr. and was told I would need to have my HCG and Progesterone levels checked.  A test that would be need to be completed two to three times every 48 hours.  So more waiting, this go around things happened fast because my numbers did not increased.  In 72 hours, we found out I'd be miscarrying again.

Then came the longest wait of all.  Cycle after cycle passed from August to April.  Absolutely nothing...just waiting.  Waiting for our hopes and dreams.  When we finally got our positive test, I only had to wait till 6 weeks for my first ultra sound, considering my past.  We never made it to that either. 

Currently we are waiting for my HCG levels to decrease. I finally a have my follow up appointment about a week from now, it seems like eternity.  I am scared of what this appointment will bring, more testing, fertility treatments, waiting on test results, and waiting on happiness.