"It happens." - I know it happens, but did I ever think it would happen to me? Or the third time it has happened does it make me feel better to know miscarriages happen? NO! It happens is so short and brief and can make one feel that their family or friend just brushed it off with no regard. This was my child, my dream, and my hope, "it happens," doesn't begin to explain the feelings I am going through.
"Now you have an angel looking after you." - I don't want an angel (or 3) I want my babies.
"It won't happen again." - Really, I'm on my 3rd go around, it can happen again, all you have to do is look at my situation. I'm proof.
“It’s for the best or It’s better this way.” - Would you say this to someone who lost a parent or spouse to cancer? What about someone who lost a friend or relative in a car accident? Did those people die because it is somehow better that they did? The loss of this little baby is the loss of a person, and no grieving parent wants to hear that their child died because it’s better this way.
“There was probably something wrong with the baby.” - Because no matter the disease, disorder, or handicap, I still miss my child. I would greatly welcome a special needs baby to my family, I want to become a parent, end of story.
“Better luck next time.” - I'm not joking, this has been said to me. I don't even really have an response just that some people are plain stupid.
“You’re young you will have another chance.” - Great you have a crystal ball and can tell the future! Can you tell me tomorrow's winning lottery numbers too? There are no guarantees that my next pregnancy will be successful or that because I am young that I will have a healthy pregnancy.
“God wanted it this way.” or “It is God’s will.” - This may be so. And it may be that we live in a fallen world where death and disease are part of it. But words like this make me feel like I should not be sad that I lost my children and I am not allowed to grieve.
Sometimes others just don't understand and don't know what to say to make things better. To be honest, nothing you say can make the situation better, but there is one statement that lets me know you are here for me and you care it is, "I'm sorry for you loss." Simple as that. I understand it may be uncomfortable for people to talk about, hell the whole process and loss is uncomfortable to me, but when people don't acknowledge it or the loss of my babies, it cuts like knife. Sometimes I feel all alone in this journey and don't know who I can share with. I am thankful for the ones who have told me they are sorry for my loss and are here for me any time of the day or night. The flip side of this is, I've only heard this from a few people...grief is difficult, no one wants to go through it, including me.
